I feel like a broken record. I am so busy. I am always saying , "just one second...." , "be there in a minute, I just need to do this really quick", "Hurry. We are running late."
All of the mom sayings could go on and on. They seem as never ending as my guilt.
How do I do it all? Why isn't there more time? Where can I find more patience? Why does it seem like just when I can't add anything else or deal with one more thing to go wrong, in fact one more thing happens and another thing goes wrong. Somedays, I feel like I am fraying at the ends, all of them. Somedays are just hard. Today is one of those days.
My list of things to do grows longer and longer, and my time to do it gets shorter and shorter. I cross one item off and add three more.
I cried on my way to work today. Not because of the lack of sleep contributed by my worrying mind or the adorable little boy that doesn't want to eat his breakfast or put on pants, he never wants to wear pants. Or because of the lost favorite dinosaur that we can't leave the house without. But, the discussion in the car ride about the sun. I wanted to pull over. I wanted to just be late. I wanted to just hold Brayden and cry it out because that's what makes things feel better.
I pointed the rising sun out to Brayden. I said, "see the big orange ball? That's the sun. It is rising for the day. It will go way up high into the clouds. " Brayden said, "I don't like the clouds." I assume because we say that is where the sun is hiding when it is raining, and why we can't see the moon and stars sometimes at night. That's what I think, anyway. But, then I added, "the sun is hot." "Like fire?" he asked. "Yes, Brayden - just like fire." Brayden looks at the sun, then back at me as I glance over my shoulder, "there are dragons on there breathing fire. That's why it's hot."
I love his little mind. I love how the world appears to him. I want more days of dragons on the sun. I want to slow down. I want to spend more time before those days are gone. So, I cried. Because, on the hard days, it's all I can do.