I got my boy back :)
Every trip Brayden takes to Virginia is painful. I am happy for him. Happy for the time he gets with his Dad and relatives in Virginia. For me, it is paralyzing. I feel very unlike myself. Edgy and cranky. I really find it hard to function. And, there is the constant reminder when people ask "where's Brayden?" And in that moment, my head hangs and everyone hears the same muffled response, "He is in Virginia." If it is his cousins that ask, I try to sound chipper and happy. But, sometimes, it is just hard to fake. I know John wants to help lift me from my funk. And, he tries. Sometimes successful. Sometimes not, at no fault of his.
BUT, on Monday he came back to me! :) And, in that exact instant when I scoop him up, I feel like me again, whole to have my other half. John immediately gets a picture of the two of us with the same text message "got my boy back". I always take the following day off work so he can have a transition day and we can have some quality one-on-one time together. We had such a wonderful day - completely ordinary - completely perfect. We watched cartoons and danced the 'hot dog dance'. We painted and snuggled. We started our Christmas decorating. Just Me and B.
We played with his pet geckos. They crawl up his arm and around his neck and he giggles. I love that giggle. We talked about their sticky claws that help them climb - up our arms, and up trees. So, that became his obsession for the day (and now I assume for everyday for the next month). He was a lizard with sticky claws. All I can do is laugh. He is so perfect. He always seems older. The time I miss he has already changed. It is a reminder to cherish him just as he is, the constant on the go, stubborn, goofy, giggly, helpful, loving, wild all boy that he is.
I tried to get some pictures of him. Not groomed. Just Brayden being Brayden. Stained cheeks and lips from ketchup and hotdogs. I beg for a still moment and a smile. "Say Cheese!" But, it isn't him. He can't sit still long enough. He is too busy roaring like a dinosaur, and crawling with his sticky claws.
I am so thankful for his ketchup kisses and his sticky claws. He makes life normal, and perfect. :)
I love our extraordinary everyday life.