Since I have moved back to Illinois, I have had to face a few obstacles, challenges, and changes. Well, not just 'I', but 'we'. Brayden and I have done this together. Outside of the everyday hustle and bustle I am typically a pretty optimistic person. However, I have been struggling more recently. Maybe it is just the holiday slump, or maybe it is just part of the peaks and valleys we go through in life.
Last Saturday I had a little break down. I had a self pity party that lasted the entire day. I have a problem letting things in my life overcome my mood. I don't think I could count the number of times I have spoiled joy for myself because I was too busy dreading something else that is out of my hands. Too many, I guarantee.
I always turn to my Mom. I find that to be a reoccuring theme in my life. My Mom always makes me feel better. She can't fix it (even though I am sure inside she wishes she could). I vent. I complain. I let it all out in one very long winded rant. I whisper so others in the house won't hear that I am falling apart. Mom just listens. She always just listens. And then, in the moment when I stop to catch my breath, she looks at me to be sure I am done, then she says, "This is just life, Megan. Being mad is habit. You have to just decide to let go and be happy."
I knew she was right. And throughout the rest of the day, I fluctuated between happy and mad. Happy when things were going right... and then when the littlest thing would happen, a tantrum from Brayden or misdirections to our destination would put me right back. On top of it, I would get mad at myself for ruining a perfectly beautiful day. You see, Brayden will be leaving me again in a few short weeks. He is spending Christmas in Virginia. Ten days. 10 long days. I am struggling. I keep trying to just tell myself that it is just another day. We can recreate it when he gets home. And, we will. But, I know the struggle that is approaching - or possibly the one that is already here. It is the everyday that I have difficulty getting through when Brayden is gone. I just got him back. I will only have 2 weekends with him and he will leave again. Then add Christmas to it... ugh. I lost Saturday for no reason at all, except I was already letting myself be miserable - and he hasn't even left me yet. I won't ever get that Saturday back.
I know the hard times - they come and they go. I am more familiar with the pattern then I care to be. But, that is life. I continue to reflect on all that we have been through in these few short years. I stay stuck in the tough times instead of rejoicing in the everyday that is perfectly normal. Perfectly wonderful. It is a pattern of behavior; Always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I need to stop that. I need to stop expecting people to let me down, waiting for them to prove me right. That's what I have learned. People will let me down. Those people, they will come and they will go. The good ones stay. They support me. They encourage me. Even if they sometimes disagree with me - we have an appreciation for each other's point of view, no matter how different. I have a few select friends that hold this definition and of course my family, and John. Brayden and I have been and will always be that to each other, just like my mom is to me.
Sunday morning came - sun shining. I took Mom's advise. I wanted our day together to be as beautiful as it was outside. Sunny and warm - completely beautiful. So we did - and it was just that beautiful.
We visited Santa at Pete's Train during the Holiday of Lights. We went to the Indian Creek Christmas Tree Farm to cut down our tree. It was 60 and sunny! This is my kind of winter! We went home and got to work on decorating. We even squeezed in some family portrait time :) I can't wait to share them!
From Sunday came Monday - and I was off work! :) Brayden and I had a wonderful day. Nothing special but just time together was really nice.
The tough times, they will come and they will go. The good ones, they last forever. Here is a glimpse of some the lasting ones :)
Pete's Train and Meeting Santa:
Cutting down the Christmas Tree:
In search of the perfect tree :)
Sneak Peak of family pictures! (I may be biased, but seriously... could he be any cuter?)
So much to be happy for :)