I was going to blog about our trip to the zoo last weekend. However, I am in kindof a bum mood. Brayden is in Virginia visiting his wonderful family - And, I know he is going to have a glorious time - but, I miss him. And, I feel lost without him. To be honest, putting up all of the pictures of us having so much fun will just make my heart ache worse. I blogged about his last visit to VA here.
So instead, because it just so happens to be the mood I am in today - I am going to comment on something that is being passed around on the trusty old Facebook newsfeed.
A different blogger shared an article - and, I of course read it - and loved it. And I thought, gosh - I have been there. I have had the people that dare say, "I don't understand? - Megan has time to go out. She has people (lots of family) that can watch Brayden. She uses it as an excuse to not go out." Naturally, this irritates me. Instead I smile and swallow it when I really want to fire back - "You don't have kids. You don't have a clue." Here is the article (Tell Me About It by Carolyn Hax Tucson, Arizona | Published: 06.05.2007)
When I first moved back home from Virginia, I was working from home - while watching Brayden. I squeezed my work hours in during the morning hours, naps, and late at night. My late work hours came much later, because I had a second job that was an evening shift. I would pick my sleeping son up from my family members house, I would gently put him in his bed - praying that he wouldn't wake up... because I had to spend another 2 hours working. Also, on the evenings I wasn't working, I was in class 2 nights a week. So, in between taking care of a 2 year - that nothing can hold their attention for more than 5 minutes - and making sure they aren't into something that could hurt them, or eating something they aren't supposed to - I worked 2 jobs, went to class, studied, mowed the lawn, did the dishes, laundry, laundry, and more laundry... I was TIRED. I did this with no help. No husband or significant other to take out the trash or help unload a car full of groceries. No one to watch the baby for 10 minutes so I could take a shower. My chaos has calmed in some areas and has picked up in others. But, the simple truth is being a parent takes selflessness. It takes dedication to developing a person, and praying all along the way you don't screw it up. It means smiling and playing when all you feel like doing sometimes is crying - but, you can't - because little ones need happy and security. I wasn't looking for a pity party - I was wanting understanding, not critisism. It still happens. People want to get together for a happy hour - sure that sounds like fun! - but, my kid has been at daycare for 9 hours - and I am sure he feels as exhausted by the end of the day as I do. And, I miss him. I want to make dinner (not really, I hate to cook), I want to play or go to the park, I want to read books and snuggle on the couch. It isn't just because my child is my obligation. It is because he is the highlight of my day, not a glass beer / wine.
I have had friends fall away - disappear out of my life with no effort. I assume, they think I needed to make more of one. They never stopped by just to say hi. They never called or texted to see how I was holding up through some pretty major changes in my life. I could have gone out to dinner with them (completely not relaxing trying to get a 2 year old to sit in a high chair for 45 minutes to an hour) - or made my way to their house - but, little ones have early bed times. They like the comforts of their books, stuffed animals, and bed. To them it sounds so easy - but, then again - they don't know.
I stop and think about times in my life when I have been hurt - this one, it cuts deep. To be honest, it bothers me everyday. I am trying to let it go. But, I have a few that have remained my friends through everything - time, years, distance, children or none - and they stay true. Actually, they seem to call just when I need them to - like a sixth sense, or maybe, just true friends.