Mornings are crazy busy. Anyone with kids, no matter what the age, or if you work or stay at home, can testify that trying to get everyone out the door usually feels like a cluster of chaos.
This morning I arrived at work at 7:39. 9 minutes late. And for me, that is doing pretty darn good. I told my self, if I had just not hit that snooze button I would have made it here on time. Who created the 'snooze' button? Worst idea EVER. Anyway. The morning unfolded as it always does. An interrupted shower by a little guy that wants to spend extra time with his mom. So, he gets in with me. I really love my nice quiet hot showers, on the rare occasions that I get to experience them, but I love the interrupted ones too. After the shower, Brayden sits naked (he loves being naked) watching cartoons just long enough for me to get dressed. Then he gets shuffled downstairs for breakfast. Today was apples and m&m pancakes (warmed-up) from Monday when they were made fresh - but, he doesn't mind, it's m&m's for breakfast. I hurry to finish up. Partially blow dry my hair, throw on some make-up and then it's his turn for clothes. We wipe off the syrup stickiness, I feed him bites in between clothing items. He gets his daily meds and a 2 minute warning for the cartoons. I run bags and coffee out to the car, start it up and turn the heat on high. I run back in and do a double check for anything I am forgetting. We grab coats and we are out the door. I get maybe 30 seconds (2 minutes if I am lucky) of regular music, mommy music, before Brayden makes the request to hear his music. I swore my kids would NEVER listen to those goofy kid songs... but, he loves them. And, he looks adorable singing along. So, I ask, " Which one? Rum Sum Sum? Monster? Honk Honk?" Today was the Monster song, so we start to sing.
Then, right in the middle of the song, Brayden breaks my heart. He has been saying this phrase daily, for weeks now and every time he asks, my heart hurts. I struggle with how to respond (seriously, I am open to suggestions on how to answer this question). Brayden says,
"I want us to stay together."
My usual response is, "We will all be together when I pick you up after work. Then we will go home and see Jojo (I through Jojo the cat into anything and he is usually happy). However, today he asked "Why can't we stay together?" I said, "Mommy has to work. I have to make money." Then he asks, "What's money?" I try a diversion of pointing out anything in the scenery - but, it didn't work. "What's money?", he asks again. "It's how we pay bills and buy groceries," I say. "What's bills?" he asks. Ugh. "Ummm, it is electricity and it's mommy's car...." "What's electricity?" oh my. this is never going to end. I am having flash backs from our trip home last night explaining fog. I used words like precipitation and condensation - which is good, but I am not the best at explaining what those are.... Can I go home yet? It isn't even 7:30 and my brain is fried. At this point I turned up the 'clean-up' song and he was happy with that.
"I want us to stay together" is a phrase that haunts me every morning. I know that as soon has he wakes up this comment is going to come out of his mouth. And, he gives me those sad brown eyes and it hurts, every day.
Appropriately enough, I saw an article shared this morning about "What Not to Say to a Working Mom". I laughed - but, it hurt too. All of it being honestly true. I work because I have too. But, I also work because I like too. I wish it meant that every minute we are together it is pure bliss, but it isn't. There is a lot of yelling, sadly. He is 3. And I am tired. But seriously, we are so happy. Even with the chaos and negotiating bites of peas, we are happy. Everyone has a different way of running their homes. I believe it is hard to organize and balance everything that life throws our way but, we all do it. Day in and day out - there may be the occasional yelling and tears but there is lots of laughter. Lots of kissing and hugging. And lots of "I love yous." At the end of the day, we are together - and that's what matters.