It's easy to get lost. Lost in the everyday. Lost in wishes, wants, and wills. Lost in the maybe somedays, what-ifs, and what-if-nots.
I get lost in all of the above. Somedays, I don't see how blessed my life is. Somedays I get tired of trying so hard. There are days when I wish I could make everything I want to do, happen right now. That includes a successful business - with a never ending line of interested and happy clients, a home that is always clean, and a little boy that is obedient, healthy, and playful. I get frustrated with the process that life requires me to jump through, to get to where I want to go. Most days, I can see where I want to be, and what it will look like when I get there. But, choosing the path and staying the path to get there isn't always easy. Most journeys, especially the ones worth getting to, can be long and bumpy. However, the scenery along the way is beautiful. I need to focus more on it then the bumps I stumble on. Love and passion keep me thrusting forward, even when I feel too tired to lift my feet.
I stumbled on a few quotes the other day. They appear at just the right moments. It gives me the little nudge I sometimes need.
"If there is no passion in your life, then have you really lived? Find your passion, whatever it may be. Become it, and let it become you and you will find great things happen FOR you, TO you and BECAUSE of you."
- T. Alan Armstrong
..."believe your great, accept that you aren't perfect"...
"When everything seems to be going against you, remember that an airplane takes off against the wind, not with it" - Henry Ford
Between all of the dreaming of where I want to be, and wondering how in the world am I going to make it all happen - is the everyday. Not only am I in search of direction for myself but I try to give direction and roots to the little man that is just starting out. He is 3. He is stubborn. He is stong willed. He is just like me. We have been learning about life, together.
With Brayden, He sees a cookie or an opportunity to play with the cat. Something that he wants to do so bad... to the point of tears, but there are obstacles in his way. On occasion, I may be that obstacle. He will fight, fight, fight - scream, cry, pout, refuse - snot and tears pouring. Recently, I have been 're-introducing' foods that he has been offered in the past but has always declined to try. And, I let him pass them up. Well, not anymore. There comes a point when a child has to eat what is put in front of him. Peas and carrots, particularly. These are just 2 of the many that he passes up - I have no idea why. And, what I want him to do is sit at the table and make an effort to eat his dinner. We have had multiple stand offs. There has been begging, pleading, negotiating, yelling, and tears - from both of us. And then, in the end, there is pride. We both smile and sing praises when we reach the finish line. He finally eats that dreaded vegetable - that he realizes, wasn't all that bad. I shake my head, both crying and smiling at all of the challenges we will overcome together. It will appear as if we are against each other, nose to nose, but that really isn't the case. I am always in his corner and on his side - even if I am the one he is looking in the eye.
These peas and carrots are just the beginning. These are the little battles, but I know they are important. I have been winning these little battles - but, I fear how I will handle the ones that I won't win. I hope they are many, many years down the road. Someday, he will demonstrate the passion and confidence that I hope to be instilling in him - and, he will reveal the traits I handed down. All of which, I know will be used when making his own decisions, some I will disagree with - much like what happened to my parents. My parents often wanted rationale for the decisions I was making. Looking back, I never really gave any. It was just a feeling. Intuition? Passion? Stupidity? Who knows! But, my life has unfolded in the most beautiful way. And, I have to be confident, Brayden's will do the same... even if it is a battle that I don't win.
He is teaching me. I have to be supportive and firm, nurturing but not naive. We are both learning and growing together on this journey through peas and carrot, through passion and confidence, and some stubbornness too.
Here was our battle last night. And, he was irritated even more because I was taking pictures of it.
After our stand-off, and the compromise - we went back to the usual night events: bath, books, and bedtime. Quiet. Just the way we like it :)