For the past few months, and for many in the foreseeable future - I don't get to sleep.  In my current pregnant state, I am big.  My hips hurt, my shoulder hurts - and I am constantly being kicked or punched in one or multiple organs.  I have to get up to pee at least twice in the middle of the night, and I have to rotate sleeping sides to avoid complete loss of circulation - all of which takes every muscle in my body to roll myself over.  Some nights are easier to sleep through, most are not.  Brayden is now 4, and still sleeps in my bed.  I often wish he would give his big boy bed a chance, without the tears and the fears - but, that doesn't seem to be in the cards anytime soon.   

This morning came early.  I squinted to see the clock, half blind due to poor vision, the other because it was so dark out.  I wanted to know if I had to roll myself out of bed and into the shower.  I patted around in the dark for my glasses - It was early, only 5:00 am.  I let out a sigh.  Too early to get up, but not really long enough to try to put myself back to sleep.  I closed my eyes and just wished for it not to be morning yet.  At the same moment, another thought collided into the other - It interrupted my negative focus, "Be thankful for this morning."  Still with my eyes closed, I exhaled and had a surge of gratitude come through.  I thanked God for another day on this earth.  For another day to be Brayden's mom.  For another morning I get to wake up to his feet in my back and the silent hum of his breathing next to me.  I am so thankful I have this little guy that finds comfort sleeping next to his Mama - one day to soon, he will want nothing to do with snuggle time, so instead I rolled my big belly over and cuddled him, just being thankful for the moment.  At the same time I am kicked by another set of feet, ones I have not yet seen - but are growing daily.  I am thankful for the ability to have this little girl - a blessing that is too often taken for granted. 

I often focus on the things that need to be done - and I get agitated when I am off schedule.  I am task driven, always.   Brayden was gone for 2 weeks over Thanksgiving.  I hate it when he is gone.   This is his first week back.  I tried to spend more patient, unscheduled time for us - even through the busy week.  It was wonderful, and I get to look forward to a nice relaxing weekend together.  We get to put up the tree and do some more decorating, but besides that - no other tasks to cross off my list.  We are just going to enjoy the time.   Christmas this year feels much like being a kid.  I actually like the Christmas songs I hear on the radio and in the stores.  Last year was much different, Brayden was going to be in Virginia, so I dreaded this Holiday - I actually wanted to sleep right through it.  So, I decided this year will be celebrated differently - It will have a different focus - it wont be about the task of getting things done and the hustle and bustle of the day, it will be about celebration and gratitude - which is the real purpose.  I just needed a little perspective.  Perspective that came to me in a morning daze, in the hum of a snoring 4 year old, and the kick of a baby.  I started today different, but I really hope I can make it the norm.

"gratitude turns what we have into enough"