I read somewhere (probably on pinterest):
“Everyone you meet comes with baggage; find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.” Unknown
I joke about my baggage... maybe I warn. It allows me the opportunity to say 'I told you so', when life gets a little tough. I have always tried to be very forthcoming about the challenges that I tote around with me. Some of my baggage is perfectly cute. Seriously. He is an almost 3 year old heart melter. He doesn't do it to just me. He melts hearts on the street, grocery store, gas station - total strangers adore him. He is so easy to love - and truly, I don't even consider him 'baggage'. He is my life. He is my everything. I think that is where the challenge comes in. Young (and by 'young' I mean new) relationships are supposed to be fun and relaxing and adventurous - spontaneous. But, kids require routine and schedules - but, they also embody fun too (some times). That aspect of dating is difficult. There are far more rules when dating with children involved. Entering into a relationship knowing that the love a parent feels for their child is unmatched. It can't be copied, imitated, or duplicated (except by other children). Someone entering into this life with me, has to have an understanding and respect that this love between a parent and child comes first, bar none. I was so guarded about this practice, I made it difficult for someone to really come into this precious life that is "Megan and Brayden". I really wondered if I had enough room to share it with someone else. I spent many nights, the happy and the frustrating telling myself that this is just how it will be - just me and B. Along with that thinking came a sense of peace. Comfort, knowing the familiar. It isn't always easy - but it is our normal. I wrote about this 'singleness' in a previous post, single mom smiling.
Underneath my wonderful little life, I am a self proclaimed relationship challenge - Hard to love, comes to mind. I am very particular about how and when things are done. I like my towels folded a certain way. I hate rhythmic noises during silence - it is like nails on a chalkboard. I am short fused, and have a tongue that can strike - not mean, but to the point. I am stubborn and impossible to talk to when I am mad. I require a minimum of 5 minutes defusing time - after that I am actually quite reasonable. I have a memory like an elephant - I don't 'foget' things, and I bring them back to the surface during just the right occasion. I require coffee in the morning to function. And, I am a hoarder of all things old.
My heart has struggled with finding direction, like wind required to sail. But, when the wind and sail meet, a beautiful adventure can begin. That's what this post is about.
It's about finding direction.
It's about finding happiness.
respect. love. gratitude. faith. sharing. growing. listening. believing. planning. learning. dreaming.
living & loving.
It's about finding that person. That one person, from all that walk this planet, and sharing the rest of our lives together.
I found him. Mr. Just Right for Me. The wind in my sail. He was here all of my life.
All. My. Life.
right here.
John and I joke about all of the times we crossed paths, literally. We would walk by one another, both to shy to say anything, to wave, to glance - curious, but not brave enough to be the first to make the acknowledgement of the other. We were more comfortable with the updates from afar. Annually, our Mom's go to lunch. They come back with the update from the past year, and plans for the next. Some ups, some downs in both of our lives. The coincidences, similarities of each other is almost laughable. My Mom would point out things we had in common. Then, she would say, " Would you ever..." I would stop her before she could finish, "No Mom. He is too shy." And, that is where it would end, until, of course, next years lunch. The story of how I changed my direction and we went out on our first date is perfect and adorable - and, I will save it for a later post.
Steve Jobs once said, “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.” So, here we are, both 30 (he is, I am still 29 for a few more months). Time is interesting. We know that at any other point in our lives we wouldn't have worked. We were meant to find each other at this exact moment in our lives. The dots connected just as they should. We laugh about how happy we are. Really laugh. We can't hardly believe that life has given us something so beautiful. Really beautiful. It isn't perfect - but it is just how it is supposed to be: love, respect, and lots of laughing. Outside of having Brayden, I realize what true happiness feels like. Complete happiness that is without excuses. Without exceptions. Not a fairytale, but absolutely the life that I dreamed about finding. We are learning a balance - and he predicts my moves. He appreciates the challenges that I come with, he comes with his own - and I love him for those too.
John has a lot of friends. The same ones from grade school. They all have each other's backs. That is one very clear and strong trait of John's - he is a great friend. And, he has shown me time and time again - he will be that to me. I will be that to him. We are best friends.
Here he was. All my life.
(my first Bears game)
I was congratulated by a friend the other day. And, I was explaining all of the wedding details. Which is surprising to me - I am not one of those. I don't want the big fancy wedding. And, I still don't. A cute little country wedding will do just fine for me. More than the wedding, I am excited for the roots, as I explained to her. To finally feel like my life isn't in a constant state of flux. We have that together, the 3 of us. We have started this foundation where we will build a life. So, I am unpacking - We are unpacking, together.
